god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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