Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
