she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
