I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
