Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
