She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.