just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
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Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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