My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???