If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.