She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
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Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
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My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*