possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
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I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
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The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom