Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
