his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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