my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize