Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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