I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
