After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
