she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
