do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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