is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
