just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
