I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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