You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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