Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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