dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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