Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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