I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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