He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
