So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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