I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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