Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We talked him into tasing himself.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
