Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
you made out with another girl for some wings
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
