I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize