there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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