I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
