He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
