I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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