Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
now i know why i became what i already was.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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