I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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