ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'd cum for enchiladas.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
