well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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