I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
