Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
