brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
