Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
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