Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
