new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?