i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
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Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.