you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.