The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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