So gin and wine won't be happening again
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize