A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
