If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize