I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
please don't ironically join a cult
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