Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
