Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
