I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
