I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
