You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
