In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
