well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
