He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
