My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
