Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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