I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
