Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
