Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
