This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
