Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
