how can u be prego again
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
