Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
