just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
