I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
