So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
