we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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