This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
