you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
