he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
