The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Randomize
