apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize